AND THE BEST DRESSED AWARD GOES TO…..?
Disclaimer: This article or humorous commentary is in no way intended to offend anyone and further is ONLY provided as entertainment, a general overview or background information. This article is NOT legal advice or a legal opinion. You should not rely on any information gathered in this article as a basis for any particular course of action or a substitute for legal advice. Because every case is different, you should always seek formal professional legal counsel specific to your case. No warranty of any kind, expressed or implied, is given and in no way does this article constitute any attorney-client relationship. (Sorry. *wink* I’m an attorney…what’d you expect. You know we have legalese and disclaimers for everything.)
AND THE BEST DRESSED AWARD GOES TO:
The Do’s and Don’ts of Dressing to Impress in Court
Every morning before school, I check my son’s uniform and how he presents himself. I remind him to tuck his shirt in ALL the way, tie his shoes neatly, iron his pants correctly and be sure he has on a belt. While he may be able to be within dress code without doing all these things, I constantly remind him that first impressions DO matter.
Then after I drop him off to school, I head to the office or court. Obviously, no one has given many of the people in the courthouse the same once-over as I give my son in the mornings. Apparently, no one cares or nobody’s mama took the time to convince them that appearance does matter; so I will now.
Judges are human. Prosecutors and jurors are too. The prosecutors, judges and jurors in the courthouse hold the future of every defendant in their hands, whether it is for murder or a simple traffic ticket. It is sad but needed. Before I ever walk into court with one of my clients, I give my “mama speech” about what to do, say and wear. So here is my quick list of do’s and more importantly the don’ts.
- Do’s: These are what I would consider the obvious. Take a bath. Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Match. Dress conservatively like you are going to the president’s funeral or to see Jesus himself in heaven. Men, wear a nice button down shirt which is neatly tucked into your best pair of slacks. Ladies a nice pair of dress pants and a simple shirt. Solid dark colors are best. Look nice and the main point LOOK INNOCENT, like you couldn’t hurt a fly!
NOW the Don’ts:
- Don’t wear shirts with writing on it, especially airbrushed shirts. Most of the T-shirts I have seen with writing have something totally inappropriate! Matter of fact, the attorneys sit in the attorney break room trading war stories of the crazy shirts we see daily. We often wonder if that was the only clean shirt in the house or if someone had a sad sense of humor. I have seen it all! Shirts that read “Top B*tch”. “I always get my way”. “Killer”. “F*ck the Police.” “D-Boy.” “Don’t start no sh*t, won’t be none.” “R.I.P. [anybody including John John, Ray Ray, and Lil’ Brotha.]” (Words across the seat of jeans like “Juicy” usually are not good either.) [And I apologize for the actual words I included. I personally do not use that language, but have to stay true to the story.]
- Don’t wear shirts with drugs, guns or Bob Marley! Especially not when facing a drug charge! And guys this includes the notorious white WIFE BEATER, especially to domestic violence court. In the streets, yes, but in court, no this is not considered a shirt.
- Shoes that can be mistaken for stripper shoes are NOT a good idea. Four inch yellow stilettos that tie up your leg are fly for the night-before’s jump off party but are NOT appropriate court attire.
- Fellas, sometimes I understand that you might not have more than one suit. And we want you to dress nicely, but not your bright pastel zoot suit with matching alligator shoes and hat. I have seen it all from lime green to all white to stripes and even powder pink. It may have been the most fly get-up in church last April that caused everyone to turn their heads in admiration but believe me in court it is NOT the same admiration!
- Ladies, cleavage will get you nowhere. Okay I lied! With some judges (and a few sheriffs) it may, but beware, because many prosecutors are female and they are the ones making the deals. If cleavage has gotten you everywhere and everything in life, do you. Just be tasteful. We don’t need to see it all. And this goes for the plumber’s cracks too. We all know the saying: Crack kills! Applebottoms are some of my favorite jeans, but cracks below definitely don’t have the same effect as the ones up top, ladies. So, just as guys should not sag, women’s low-riders may not help either. (And a side note daisey dukes and camel toes are on the NOT list too! I probably should have made those #1. Sorry I didn’t.) [SIDE NOTE: Just so you know, some judges will threaten and even lock you up if you disrespectfully come in the courtroom sagging.]
- If you got pullouts, pull ‘em out. Don’t think that by blinding the judge he won’t be able to read the sentence or will be so distracted and that he forgets your plea.
- This one seems blatantly obvious! No, and I mean absolutely NO, it is not cute and not acceptable. DO NOT WEAR pajamas. And yes this includes house shoes! I have seen people who thought the fleece pajama pants with a baby tee was cute because they had bananas or monkeys or some Disney character on them. WRONG!
- If you are going to child support court or especially criminal nonsupport court, look your part. I witness guys daily waltz into nonsupport court, most times facing criminal charges, owing thousands of dollars in child support, trying to convince the judge they lost their jobs or simply don’t have enough to pay child support, while wearing the latest Jordans, the biggest earrings you could find on each ear, the newest Enyce outfit with the sharpest crease, and above all the flashing Bluetooth for their latest Apple I-phone. HELLO! I know of one judge in particular who saw a man walk into court with the Bluetooth in his ear and changed the sweet deal his attorney had just worked for him. So F.Y.I., the only thing you should ever wear to nonsupport court is your filthiest work clothes and dirtiest, most used Timberland steel toes you own. Look employed or at least as if you have been out all day trying to become employed- not like you are trying to holla’!
10. And last but not least, we as black people love our hair! While the typical “privileged” judge may stop midsentence, it is NOT a good thing! Blue, NOT. Pink, NOT. Purple, NOT. Mohawks, I love them, but NOT. Huge ocean waves with six twists, one curl and three spikes in the front. Rollers of any kind. Bleach blonde, stripper, down-to-your-butt ponytails. NOT, NOT, and ah NOT! And guys if you don’t have time to get the braids freshened up or your hair re-braided before court, at least comb it! Don’t just roll out of bed with one side matted to your face and the other flying high or half braided and fuzzy. Please comb it, cut it or pull it back nice and neatly in a ponytail. And the ultimate thing I get a kick out of is none other than THE SCARF or the do-rag. Silk, cotton, solid or with flowers, SCARVES ARE ALL WRONG, just wrong! I know we put our scarves on to hide the unseemly or keep the do done for when we are ready for the big event, but believe me court is the big event! Take the scarf off!
Please note: I understand that not everyone can afford the nicest things, and this is not directed to those. And of course, I understand that those in orange jumpsuits get a pass. Additionally, I wrote this with my Nubian brothers and sisters in mind, but don’t be mistaken, I have a list for all others as well. Maybe I’ll save that for next week’s article, so stay tuned to see.
Word(s) of the Day: Nonsupport Court- This is the court where defendants have been accused of being behind or just not paying their child support obligation.
Thank you for reading! If you like this article or found it helpful, be sure to read my others posted and stay tuned for future ones. Also, please leave comments here and be sure to tell a friend. If there is a topic you want to see or you have a general question, you can leave it here or reach me at nichole@kentuckianalaw.com.
